Beyond Writing Code

Tag: resistance

  • Not getting started guarantees failure

    Not getting started guarantees failure

    As I mentioned recently in my post about pressure and resistance, I’ve had a hard time getting started lately. I’ll sit down to work, and then I get distracted. At the end of the day, I’ve accomplished nothing on my to do list.

    I feel like an engine that won’t “catch.” Turn the key, it makes the right sounds to indicate that the engine is surely starting. But as soon as you stop turning the key… silence.

    A set of keys dangling from the ignition of a car.
    Remember car keys? Photo by Ivan Shemereko on Unsplash

    Fear of doing it wrong

    Another piece of the resistance, in addition to rebelling against the pressure: I fear doing it wrong or not being able to finish.

    • I dread writing for a while on a blog post and then losing enthusiasm and giving up.
    • I’ll think about a section of my book proposal but then worry that it won’t go well or I won’t be able to complete it.

    You know what guarantees that I will fail? Not starting.

    It makes no sense. Not starting feels safer, even though it guarantees the outcome I don’t want. Why should it feel safer?

    And yet, I’ve spent several days this month with the engine turning over but not catching.

    Fortunately, yesterday was a good day. Got a (fairly long!) newsletter email written. Yay! And today has been good so far too. Taking the pressure off is helping.

    Blank is easy, but not useful

    I had to laugh when I saw this. Here are the search engine optimization (SEO) ratings from Yoast for a completely blank blog post:

    A red frowning emoji labeled "SEO analysis: Needs improvement," a green smiling emoji labeled "Readability analysis: Good," and a green smiling emoji labeled "Inclusive language: Good"

    I had to laugh. That post (or book!) you never write? Sure, as a blank page, it might be incredibly easy to read. And, not having any words, it is unlikely to offend.

    But it’s not exactly going to be engaging to your readers. With driving, to get somewhere, you have to actually start the engine. In order to connect through the written word, you must start writing.

  • You know what doesn’t help overcome resistance?

    You know what doesn’t help overcome resistance?

    “So, I put a lot of pressure on myself. All the time.”

    My husband stared at me. “Yes,” he said emphatically, as if I’d just pointed out that ice is cold or nighttime is dark.

    A dark night sky with stars above, clouds and hills below.
    Nighttime is dark, who knew? Photo by Nathan Anderson on Unsplash

    Okaaay, I guess the pressure I put on myself is a known fact here in our house. Not just for work or writing, I mean for everything. Even on the weekends, lately, I feel pressured to make the best use of my time, get things done that aren’t work-related.

    Sheesh, I just started taking a workshop to improve the quality of my sleep. And I can already feel myself ramping up to put pressure on myself to sleep better.

    As if that will help.

    Resistance is arising

    Resistance is coming up a lot for me lately. I sit down in the morning on a weekday, intending to write.

    Instead, my motivation to write goes completely out the window. The last thing I want to do is write.

    So instead, I listen to an audio book. Or I draw. Or I get sidetracked by something shiny. Anything but writing. Anything that isn’t on my giant to-do list.

    Motivation then returns sometime later, when I’m planning to do something else. For example, it might show up after 8 pm on a Monday night, when I really ought to be doing some of those getting-ready-for-sleep practices. [looking at clock warily]

    Well, what’s an efficient, organized, driven person to do when faced with this unwillingness to just get to work already? Clearly I should figure out what’s blocking me and put even more pressure on myself to get past the block.

    No. Turning up the pressure when I’m not getting stuff done sounds like it should work. But it absolutely doesn’t.

    Why doesn’t pressure overcome resistance?

    When I turn up the pressure, all I’m doing is pressing against the resistance that has come up. And when that resistance encounters pressure, does the pressure overcome the resistance? Does it just decide that my motivated self should prevail and yield?

    Of course not. Instead, the resistance just increases. It’s getting pushed more, so it pushes back more.

    A person standing outside, holding up a hand in front of their face, with the palm of the hand facing outwards towards the viewer.
    Photo by Nadine E on Unsplash

    The resistance is arising because the pressure is too much.

    How do I know? Because in moments like this, when there’s no pressure to write, the words just flow.

    What helps, then?

    I’m not sure what will help, honestly. But it isn’t turning up the pressure.

    • I’m thinking self-compassion is probably a good start.
    • Setting smaller goals for the day.
    • Acknowledging the things I’m getting done that aren’t writing.

    After all, I didn’t quit my job only to write a book. I also intend to use the time to focus on my health and wellbeing: cooking more meals at home, getting outside for walks regularly, clearing my space of clutter, managing stress, and yes, sleeping better.

    I’m definitely making progress in those areas.

    Let’s see if taking some of the pressure off helps me return to the joy of writing, rather than pushing myself into the chore of writing.

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